The Top 27 Best Amish Jokes

The following is a comprehensive list of the best Amish jokes I could find.

Have another joke that you think I should add to my list of Amish jokes? Let me know about it in the comment section below ↓

1. Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband?
   • He was driving her buggy.
2. What’s the shortest book in the world?
   • Amish war heros.
3. What goes clip-clop clip-clop clip-clop bang bang bang?
   • Amish driveby shooting.
4. Why don’t the Amish water ski?
   • Because the horses would drown.
5. How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic?
   • They keep falling off the wagon.
6. What do you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horse’s ass?
   • A mechanic.
7. What’s an Amish woman’s favorite sexual fantasy?
   • Two Mennonite.
8. How do we know that Adam and Eve were Mennonite?
   • Who else would be alone in a garden with a naked woman and be tempted by a piece of fruit?
9. What’s the difference between a Mennonite girl and Alaska?
   • About three degrees.
10. What’s the difference between an Amish girl and a water buffalo?
    • About 12 pounds of hair.
11. What do you call a beautiful girl in an Amish Church?
    • A visitor.
12. Do you know why Amish SUVs get such bad mileage?
    • Because they’re real grass-guzzlers.
13. How was copper wire invented?
    • Two Mennonites found a penny.
14. I had a one-night stand with an Amish guy the other week.
    • He never called me back.
15. What do the Amish call a DUI?
    • Horsing around.
16. Why don’t Amish women wear sleeveless dresses?
    • They refuse to bare arms.
17. What did the man say when he noticed that there wasn’t any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?
    • Shomething’sh Amish…
18. What do you get when you cross an Amish man with an octopus?
    • Don’t know either but it sure can pick corn!
19. Is it true that Amish men can’t motorboat their wives?
    • Yes, they can only row boat them.
20. What do the Amish people call a jar full of honeybees?
    • A vibrator.
21. The very first self-driving vehicle was invented by the Amish in the 1700s…
    • The horse worked fine, but the car was a little buggy.
22. How do the Amish hunt deer?
    • They sneak up on it and build a barn around it.
23. Amish men aren’t buried with their beards.
    • They bury him with shovels.
24. A survey was conducted online.
    • We found that out of the world’s population, 0% of people are Amish.
25. A crazy Amish strip club drew me in.
    • It was bonnetless.
26. Why is it hard for the Amish to travel?
    • Their transit system is a little buggy.
27. What does an Amish whore do?
    • About 10 Mennonite.

Did you enjoy my list of Amish jokes? Subscribe for more!

The funniest jokes & puns will be delivered straight to your inbox! Simply enter your email below.